$What`s tennis without a racket?
$Insanity is hereditary, -  You get it from your children.
$An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.
$You can tune a piano, but you can`t tuna fish.
$A closed mouth gathers no foot.
$A rolling stone gathers momentum.
$Gravity doesn`t exist: the earth sucks.
$Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
$Ancient Chinese Curse:
 May you live in interesting times.
$Ancient Chinese Curse:
 May all your wishes be granted.
$Ahhhhhhhh,
 I forget what I was going to say.
$Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
$Familiarity breeds.
$A good memory does not equal pale ink.
$On a clear disk you can seek forever.
$I did it! I found the program`s last bug
   bug
    bug
      bug
        bug
          bug
            bug
               bug
$On y soit, qui mal y pense.
 (You are what you think.)
$Wer zuletzt lacht, lacht am besten.
 (He who laughs last laughs best.)
$He who laughs last probably doesn`t
  understand the joke.
$C`est la vie.
$As a goatherd learns his trade by goat,
  so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
$The system is not quite as rickety as I have
  been telling you.     -Ralph Gorin.
$Sometimes I sits and thinks, and
  sometimes I just sits.
$Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
$To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly
  before you start.
$And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox.
$Crittendon`s 14th application of Murphy`s First Law:
  You cannot successfully determine beforehand which
  side of the bread to butter.
$Ginsberg`s Theorems:
  1) You can`t win.
  2) You can`t break even.
  3) You can`t even quit the game.
$Weiler`s Law:
  Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn`t
  have to do it himself.
$Chisolm`s Third Law, Corollary 3:
  Procedures designed to implement the purpose
  won`t quite work.
$O`Toole`s Commentary on Murphy`s Laws:
  Murphy was an optimist.
$Sevareid`s Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions.
$If at first you don`t succeed, try something else.
$Kitman`s Law:  Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
$Sattinger`s Law: It works better if you plug it in.
$Osborn`s Law: Variables won`t; constants aren`t.
$The Law of Selective Gravity (The Buttered Side Down Law):
  An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
$Interchangable devices won`t.
$In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
$Zymurgy`s First Law of Evolving System Dynamics:
 Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan
 them is to use a larger can.
$Anthony`s Law of Force:   Don`t force it, get a larger hammer.
$Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
$If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
$If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
$A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
$You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get
 him to float on his back you`ve got something.
$If at first you don`t succeed, transform your data set.
$How sharper than a serpent`s tooth it is to have a thankless hound.
$Westheimer`s Time Estimation Rule:
  Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2,
  add 3, and change the unit of measure to the next higher unit.
$Westheimer`s Time Estimation Rule:
  Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2,
  and add 3, indpendent of the units of time.
$A thing not worth doing isn`t worth doing well.
$Bye`s First Law of Model Railroading:
  Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of
  faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.
$Wolfgang`s Third Law:  It can`t work.
$Don`s Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
$Si six scies scient six saucissions,
  six cent six scies scieront six cent six saucissions.
  (If 6 saws saw 6 sausages, 606 saws will saw 606 sausages.
$Un chasseur sachant chasser chasse sans son chien.
  (A hunter who knows how to hunt hunts without his dog.
$First Law of Advice: The correct advice is to give the advice that is desired.
$Third Law of Advice:   Simple advice is the best advice.
$If you put your supper dish to your ear you can hear
  the sounds of a restaurant.  -- Snoopy
$There is nothing worse than being peerless in a peer-review system.
$Alia jacta est. (The die is cast.)
   --Julius Caesar after crossing the Rubicon
$If little else, the brain is an educational toy.     -- Tom Robbins
$When in darkness or in doubt,
Run in circles, scream and shout.
$The Fourth Law of Computing: On a slow day, you can wait forever.
$Sweer`s Impossibility Theorem:
   Nothing can be both completely general
   and internally consistent at the same time.
$Murphy`s First Law:
   Nothing is as easy as it looks.
$Murphy`s Second Law:
   Everything takes longer than you think.
$Murphy`s Third Law:
   Anything that can go wrong will go wrong,
   and at the worst possible time.
$Murphy`s Fourth Law:
   If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,
   the one that will cause the most damage will be the one
   to go wrong.
$Murphy`s Fifth Law:
   If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
$Murphy`s Seventh Law:
   Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
$Murphy`s Eighth Law:
   If everything seems to be going well,
   you have obviously overlooked something.
$Chisolm`s Third Law, Corollary 1:
   If you explain so clearly that no one can misunderstand,
   somebody will.
$Chisolm`s Third Law, Corollary 2:
   If you do something which you are sure will meet with
   everyone`s approval, somebody won`t like it.
$Crane`s Law:
   There ain`t no such thing as a free lunch.
$Law of Communications:
   The result of improved and enlarged communications
   is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
$Lord Falkland`s Rule:
   When it is not necessary to make a decision,
   it is necessary not to make a decision.
$Jones` Motto:
   Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
$Gumperson`s Law:
   The probability of anything happening is inversely
   proportional to its desirability.
$The usefulness of a meeting is inversely proportional
   to its attendance.
$The Peter Principle:
   In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to his level
   of incompetence; every post tends to be filled by an
   employee incompetent to execute its duties.
$Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
$Parkinson`s First Law:
   Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
$Parkinson`s Second Law:
   Expenditures rise to meet income.
$Shanahan`s Law:
   The length of a meeting rises with the square
   of the number of people present.
$Zymurgy,s Seventh Exception to Murphy`s Laws:
   When it rains it pours.
$Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.
$Jenkinson`s Law: -         It won`t work.
$The DREA Law:
   Under the most rigorously controlled conditions,
   the experimental apparatus will do exactly as it pleases.
$Skip`s Lament:
   Given any problem containing N equations,
   There will be n+1 unknowns.
$Finagle`s First Law:
   If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
$Finagle`s Fourth Law:
   Once a job is messed up,
   anything done to improve it makes it worse.
$Always draw your curves then plot the readings.
$Experiments should be reproducable,
  - they should all fail in the same way.
$Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
$When working toward the solution of a problem, it always
  helps if you know the answer.
$Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
$Any given program will expand to fill all available resources.
$The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
$Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of
  the programmer who must maintain it.
$It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
$Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
$Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
$Never try to outstubborn a cat.
$Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
$Cheops` Law:
  Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
$Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete
  than expected; carefully planned projects only twice as long.
$Wynne`s Law:
  Negative slack tends to increase.
$Boren`s Law:
  When in doubt, mumble.
$Q`s Law:
  No matter what stage of completion one reaches in a project,
  the cost of the remainder of the project remains constant.
$Conversation enriches the understanding,
  but solitude is the soul of genius.
$You can`t plant me in your penthouse,
  I`m going back to my plow.
$It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
$I ain`t broke, but I`m badly bent.
$Jargon is used as a means of succeeding by not simplifying.
$If computers take over (which seems to be their natural tendency),
  it will serve us right.  -- Alistair Cooke.
$The six steps in a project:
  1) Unbounded enthusiasm
  2) Total disillusionment
  3) PANIC!!
  4) Frantic search for the guilty
  5) Punishment of the innocent
  6) Promotion of the uninvolved.
$Lost interest? It`s so bad I`ve lost apathy.
$The greatest programming project of all took six days;
 on the seventh day the programmer rested.
 We`ve been trying to debug the blinking thing ever since.
$Moral: design before you implement.
$Two wrongs do not make a right:
  it usually takes three or more.
$A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl
  doesn`t lose her  confidence.
$A king`s castle is his home.
$A lie in time saves nine.
$A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
$A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
$A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
$A plucked goose doesn`t lay golden eggs.
$A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
$A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
$A wise man can see more from a the bottom of a well than a
  fool can from a mountain top.
$An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
$Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
$Bedfellows make strange politicians.
$Behind every argument is someone`s ignorance.
$Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
   -- Mae West.
$Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. - Thoreau
$By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
$Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
$Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude
 is the school of genius.
$Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
$Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won`t see his face.
$Do not clog intellect`s sluices with knowledge of questionable uses.
$Don`t worry if you`re a kleptomaniac,
 you can always take something for it.
$Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
$Every purchase has its price.
$Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
$God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
$He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
$He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes.
$He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
$He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
$He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
$He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along rowboat
 when going on cruise.
$He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
$He who laughs last probably doesn`t understand the joke.
$History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
$I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
$I don`t remember ever having had the itch, and yet scratching
 is one of nature`s sweet pleasures, and so handy.
$I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
$I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
$I must have slipped a disk - my pack hurts.
$I never fail to convice an audience that the best thing
 they could do was to go away.
$I`ve given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
$Idleness is the holiday of fools.
$If at first you don`t succeed, you`re doing about average.
$If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
$If some people didn`t tell you, you`d never know they`d been away on
 vacation.
$If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
$Quit work and play for once.
$If you make people think they`re thinking, they`ll love you;
 but if you really make them think they`ll hate you.
$It is better to wear out than to rust out.
$It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of
 work to do.
$It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the
 flag.
$It`s a poor workman who blames his tools.
$It`s clever, but is it art?
$It`s not reality that`s important, but how you perceive things.
$It`s sweet to be remembered, but it`s often cheaper to be forgotten.
$Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
$Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
$Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
$Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
$Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer,
 then you find there is nothing in it.
$Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
$Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
$Man`s horizons are bounded by his vision.
$Many a family tree needs trimming.
$Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. -- VOLTAIRE
$Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
$Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
$Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
$My interest is in the future because I am going to spend
 the rest of my life there.
$Never drink from your finger bowl - it contains only water.
$Never say you know a man until you have divided an
 inheritance with him.
$Nice guys get sick.
$No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
$Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
$Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
$Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
$Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts
 for support rather than illumination.
$Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves
 for their inability to give bad examples.
$One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
$Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back
 at the rear of an elephant.
$Ours is a world where people don`t know what they want and
 are willing to go through hell to get it.
$People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way
 of taking advantage of them.
$People will buy anything that`s one to a customer.
$Preserve the old, but know the new.
$Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock
 instead of the sword.
$Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal
 down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
$Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
$Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
$Put your trust in those who are worthy.
$Reputation:  what others are not thinking about you.
$Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
$She`s learned to say things with her eyes that others
 waste time putting into words.
$Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
$Some men are discovered; others are found out.
$THE PROGRAMMERS` CHEER? -
 SHIFT TO THE LEFT, SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
 POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!
$Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will
 take care of themselves.
$The average woman would rather have beauty than brains
  because the average man can see better than he can think.
$The best prophet of the future is the past.
$The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
$The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction
 to a tedious book.
$The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and
  sharpen my tongue.
$The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn`t been asleep.
$The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put
 a lot of relatives on the train for home.
$The heart is wiser than the intellect.
$The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn`t.
$The only rose without thorns is friendship.
$The plural of spouse is spice.
$The universe is laughing behind your back.
$The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
$The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
$There are few people more often in the wrong than those who
  cannot endure to be thought so.
$There is always someone worse off than yourself.
$There`s at least one fool in every married couple.
$There`s so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
$Think twice before speaking. But don`t say "think think click click".
$This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
$Those of you who think you know everything are annoying
 those of us who do.
$To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult
 to criticize the competent.
$To do is to be - Nietzsche
 To be is to do - Sartre
 Do be do be do - Sinatra
$To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
$We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
$We read to say that we have read.
$What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that
 they think themselves cleverer than we are.
$What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that
 a writer is working when he`s staring out the window.
$What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
$What passes for woman`s intuition is often nothing more
 than man`s transparency.
$What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
$When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
 guarantee them.
$Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
$Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement
 unless it was to avoid responsibility?
$Without fools there would be no wisdom.
$Words must be weighed, not counted.
$You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
$You cannot propel youself forward by patting yourself on the back.

$As expected, the victorious candidate in a particularly
 dirty recent political campaign, won by a mudslide.
$There is an infinite number of describable functions, which are
 not effectively computable.
     N. Jones   -   "Computability Theory"
     Note: This contradicts the oft stated maxim "If a function can be
     defined, it can be programmed".
$Basic research is what I am doing when -
 I don`t know what I am doing.
$Success isn`t how far you got,
  but the distance you travelled from where you started.
$The biggest mistake that you can make 
 is to believe that you are working for somebody else.
$Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life
$Pros are people who do jobs well 
 even when they don`t feel like it
$Next to surviving an earthquake, 
 nothing is quite so satisfying as 
 as receiving a income tax refund. 
$An authority is somebody who can tell you 
 more about something than you really care to know.
$Running a business is about 95% people and 5% economics.
$Patience is something that you admire greatly in the driver behind you
 but not in the one ahead of you.
$When your work speaks for itself, don`t interrupt.
$It`s always easy to see both sides of an issue 
 we are not particularly concerned about.
$Why can`t lifes`s big problems come when
 we are twenty and know everything ?
$When you try to make an impression, the chances are that
 that is the impression you will make.
$When you save for a long time to buy something, then
 you find that you can`t afford it that`s inflation.